United Airlines, why do you fuck me so?

Inflexible Airline Experience #74: I have $400 in travel vouchers on United Airlines from last time I flew. I book a flight home for Christmas, SFO to Washington Dulles. Fare is $667 (insane!). I want to apply my $400 vouchers. OK, first try and book trip online at ual.com. Payment time and there is no input for vouchers. I have to call reservations. LAME. I call, go through automated voice response reservation system which takes forever, doesn’t understand my name. I eject to a human being dialing 0. Human has the reservation. She tells me I have to mail the vouchers in or take them to the airport within 24 hours. EXTREMELY LAME. Eject to a supervisor. I explain vouchers have a unique serial number. You should be able to verify they are valid and issued to me. I offer to give the serial number and bring the paper copies with me to the airport. No can do. It doesn’t work that way. WHY THE FUCK NOT?

United, why are you inconveniencing me with your archaic ways of doing business? How is it I can book a flight online and have nothing but my name and an ID when I show up at the airport? It’s obvious you understand unique serial numbers and ID verification. SO why can I not apply the vouchers the same way? Why must I trust the postal service or make a special trip to the airport to book this flight? Why United Airlines, do you fuck me so?